Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
