brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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