Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
