suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
