Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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