You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
