conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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