this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
