made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
