Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
too bad you live with your parents still
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
