So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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