Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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