I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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