fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
