You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
