you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
