I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
