Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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