My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
