Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
