you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize