my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
