I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
