He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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