why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
