even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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