Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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