can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
