The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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