I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
