Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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