I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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