yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
