i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
