Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
