please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Michael Bay diarrhea
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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