i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
