Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
