On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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