I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
