I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
