My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
