we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
