ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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