after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
