I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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