Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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