She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
