Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
