this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
