i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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