Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
