He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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